the talks;

- : do u think i care too much?
+ : thats a hard one, since u are asking me.
- : i mean, i feel and i know i do. but do u think is too much?
+ : is not too much, now. we are afterall in school. id say why not? take it as a self-discipline on a certain level of quality. we'll compromise a lot when we are eventually working. we cant afford this in the work force. the deadline will be much shorter. yet by then, we will already have a certain standard on our work. even when we were to make something so far less below our idealised vision, we can be assured; it is already a sold product. and hopefully, in an idealised working environtment, our idealism/quality of work can/will be appreciated. so why not stretch all corners now?
- : ya?
+ : take, me and massi for example. in a workplace, il get fired.
- : ooh.. ya...
+ : but, i dunno, perhaps is a need. need to take a stand. perhaps i dont hv the fashion-fleur-attitude-like, so instead i make my mark by irritating their guts to the edge just so i can be, me.
- : haha, ya.
+ : i know im working in a very thin margin of being acknowledge or getting my ass kicked. but this is how i am, my work are precious to me: i built, mend, refine and guard it as i do. is not something anyone can change my functionalities through projects. is just how it is. we are those who care that much, so much or too much. thats why we're in school, to learn the boundaries.
- : i suffer sometimes in putting all those effort.
+ : well, last time i wondered why did i put that many effort in my first year.. that now, since i have progressed, everything i do seemed effortless to others. but is that not how u and i learn?
- : yea, i did do so much drawings too in my first year. thats because then, my drawings were awfull.
+ : but we've learnt from those didnt we? we've progressed.
- : yes...
+ : dont worry then. is just the way we are.

the mood;

dunno wuts good for me anymore:

craving for that subtle yet sensitive attention

or

disgusted having my thigh caressed by a friend's ex.

letting a teacher motivates me

or

make my way to my usual self learning.

coffee to stay awake

or

coffee + stress = nauxious?

to vomit

or

to dine?

im an individualist,

when i dunno what's good anymore for me,

then i should,

worry.

* * * * *

the thoughts:

im about to walk into that gate,

to see a friend go,

then to walk out of that very same gate,

just before another friend go.

'tis been a very long week..

too long.

simultaneously, exam call is at its peak.

i have to make choices.

each and every one drags every minutes

even longer..

for the first time i had an official support,

which came only after demand and expection forces

had failed its cause.

for the first time i was accepted, by an officer.

it is an acceptance of me

being my own demand,

a victim of my own expectations.

my identity.

it was an acceptance in trust,

that only brings on itself

a higher demand.

so what is there to worry?

i am about to walk into that gate,

say my goodbyes and walk through my choices.

before long, 2 sleepless weeks will flew in a blink.