fact:
people come and go
no?


>HER:

i sat for the last 2 hours
watching her..
helped her packed..
watching her..
and all the conversation flows
that would never comes out
if the friendship hadnt progressed
as it has been in the past 2.5 years

then i saw her
walked her walk
out along the driveway towards the main gate
she looked so tiny from my balcony.
she turned around and says, "ya sudah lah ya"
with her cute smile
face and dressed candy-like for another last dates
in the infamous secluded streets of london town.

mental note taken:
watch her back furthering away git,
that is reality.

***


>HIM:

i spent the last 22 hours before that
going to and fro
about a boy.
it was a mutual call:
me, a need of some sort of escapism releaser
him, who needs companion more than anything yet
failed to see me fit, but a mere escapism.
ahh, blessed.

i can taste the smell of him still
as i entered my flat..
i felt so disgustedly homey.
or shud i mention the euphoria of
having someone saying "i miss you too"..
no matter how meaninglessly fake it was.

for whatever that is there -more of what is not,
i was just happy
happy to play with fire, cuz he certainly light my fire
happy to be some sort of a fool,
-heck, for all i care he can be the clown to begin with
thus all and all is.. ok, for i believe he is a great man to be (still)
happy for, me.

in return, of course
id be (wishing to be) happy for him.
but any of this seems complicates matter:
where any added kindness can and may, backfires.
or as a dear friend says,
"your kindness is such a delectable flirtatious poison for those who not known you"
while he is just so gentlemanly challant to be worried for my feelings.
(r-e-s-p-e-c-t is still in the building. roger that!)


so im learning, to be shallow nowadays.
guess what?
PING! reality check:
sooo many people do get on the shallow base
(ah)


***


ME:

i had mother telling her children
to always be prepared if/whenever father's time had to come early/suddenly.
i thought it through..
i thought about death,
loss,
pain,
counter-pain,
point of elevation,
acceptance,
continuum of the dead and those being left behind..
i thought it through and through,
until i smiled.
self-made-believe-dogma to
smile at my outmost extensive understanding of what death possibly be all about.
i was 10.

at 26,
i believe now is wrong
for a child to think so much.

turning 27,
i feel is not fair
for all the years passed, relatively emotionally disabled
while having to have to think things through as thoroughly

today,
this is just who i am.

***

in conclusion,

HER:
another goodbye is around the corner,
and im happy.
i want this to be a happy goodbye.
when all that was shared together has been nothing but
ghoodness and ghoodtimes

HIM:
i cant be here for too long anymore..
sorry, but the "supposedly shallow (freedom)" arrangements is
too simple logic and too self-degrading
(tho in God's Permit, id still wanna be a friend till his last test on monday)
and any effort to enlightens it to somewhatever-meaning
are plainly pointless and costing too much brain cells

ME:
oh well,
"i love me too"