approaching dzuhur

third day.. slowly slowly
never want to have to hate..
neither to be in agony.

i sat alone in the dark, with a few other men
iPod on repeat of "apologize" by Timbaland and One Republic;
watching closely the hard alien energy flow of black "master";
flagging a 'do not disturb' signals to those around me,
as my heart and mind was never there, not at that moment.
before long Arif had to caught me putting tasbih back to my pouch..
that split second may generate a different closeness between us.
but really, i still need to align my focus:
is it too late to forgive?
is it ever be too late to asks of forgiveness?
ya Allah, have You not so lovingly subtle.. in reminding me of my flaws
.. and i was just too stubborn to embrace You?

third day..
slowly slowly.
InsyaAllah i shall regain the value of
the 5-6 kg i lost in a week


spoke to father.
he sounded of joy..
saying something something of NY
and something something of UN.
not that i was not listening,
but neither was i trying not to be greedy
to succumbing to his joyous voice
(in calling me, perhaps? haha)

trying to learn the last commotion
as a humbling experience..
(no shyiiit! my digestive sys is not fully recovered just yet)

i still need to hear mother's voice
to fill in my cup of soul
(why so heavy?)


... one cigarette away before
dzuhur.


my dearest best friend is feeling low
approaching her birthday.
a lady living an aspiring life
(in need of loads heavy duty aspirin)
filled with fight, courage, love and prayers
yet still finding it hard in digesting the word
"acceptance"
...

while im only beginning to disect
the word "greed"
and still is tempted to be greedy in
understanding its true means.
..ppfft!

human beings: why are we so fickle?


i've sent the words out to trusted friends:
if its in God's will, let him asks my hand in marriage.
for i have seen, feel and experience enough..
no.. not much proud going on here;
neither am i just trying to find a quick fix ticket to
a better more righteous path..

but isn't his righteous-unbearably-subtle-path
has yet to be the most constantly alarming in its serenity?

in God's Most Just Will, that is...
i shall place my devotion.

however more,
i feel the road is long and winding
before i find my worth of apologies
...
slowly2 reading only into that-much-more-before-bed of the Qur'an
and the psychological battering words or truth and realizations during prayers
and the soul drying reality of day to day demand..
nggg, ya

us humans are meant to be fickle.


ahhh...
i long the days i have no need to wonder and ponder on these pages.
(less words, more action. puhhlease.....)

that is it guys.
delayed dzuhur due to some BT sales call:

"sorry but (i dont like ur optimistic selling voice)..
why wud i increase my service (at no costs -he kept repeating himself)
when i DONT USE my phone?"

(..may peace be upon us all..)