tix still not booked. payment cudnt gone through. while the longer it took to process, options become lesser. u see, im not only particular on the outbound date. the date is fixated, no discussion. im actually being pedantic on the flight i am taking. most probably because it is a connecting flight. one down, two options left. and im going mental, already.

i grew up in an environment of constantly trying to beat the odds. the tension of demand is high. higher than expectation. every other skills that needed to fulfill the expectation, in fulfilling a demand, is to be gain, learn and master -in a short dead line. the stake can be high too. for an indivual (lack of) performance will affect the functionality of others. so we are constantly racing to beat time and/or the system or anything that limit one's capability in achieving a goal. the synergy of inter-supportant is standardised. difficult? we call it delicate. dependency web then created, layer by layer. as a form of safety net, skills on what each one knows best, then explored to a greater extend. dense huh? bare in mind, i had not yet included personalities in the equation. the standardised set of 'acceptable behaviours' and the intricate yet firm form of communication. understanding all of these concepts, then one can gain their right in becoming one's self. oh, joy.

i am one of them. i called reservations to mend the broken link of internet payment. decided to proceed my bookings over the phone. she gave me different 3 quotes. each time, the price climbed up. and everytime i asked her why/to go back to the previous price for a refference, she doesnt hv the information in hand. she spoke different languange from mine, she reffer them to hours and minutes while my idea of simplification is to reffer them to its own specific flight numbers. we didnt get to the payment bits. she was agitated (with herself, cuz the customer is always right) while by time, my tone of voice changes. from 'help' to 'i dont understand u, can u work with me?' to 'pls work for me'. time was running short: my handset battery collapsed.

all i want is a flight home. to get away from london. or anybody, and just be what i know best, on how to be a person. tho i cant help but to care too much: when, where, how my ass sits during the 15 hours journey. is just me. how i am, as a person. in jakarta, in melbourne, in london. is affecting me, as much as it elevates me.

im counting down options.
less than a week to exam time, and im still trying to relax (due to my back).
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