not quite yet ready in having monologues. still finding comfort in hiding from myself. been surviving the days in the refined safety webs of quality friendships -where laughter is key, and answers can never be too difficult. for the deepest questions tend to emerge from within the self. all in the god's sake of brutal truthfullness: the better you understand yourself -all the pluses and minuses, within your boundaries of limitations- the deeper you seek purity and the truth. and all for what, i began to wonder. and so i began to hinder from any wonders.

i am floating, all my bags are unpacked. ready to travel about, yet i dont know if id rather to be here nor there. will i ever find out? i dont know, but i sure am it wont be in the short while. seems so powerless, lately. like a circus clown juggling invisble crystal balls that doesnt embody any form or shape. suddenly the world turned, and i am a highly circumstantial dependent entity. all the forsaken inbalances of my previous days had cried for attentions.. and the clock never compromises to stops from ticking, whilst most of the things i hold dearly in my heart now slips further and further away beyond my reach of options.

in my anger management towards the self, i have subconsciouly been busy calling upon my guardian angels. for i cant decide for myself, wether is best for me to be here nor there: try to hold back what is slipping away or allow myself to be hold: to hope or to have faith: to be with him or with her: or to just be utterly alone... so i called upon my mediator;

'angels.. i entrusted my heart upon you. help me discover strength and courage, so truth need not to be brutal and peace shall be ultimate -back in the hands of our Creator. soon, i hope.'