can someone tell me why is it so important for me to love? while what supposedly love itself carries its own weight of pain, sacrifice and other life crunching vulnerable qualities. can someone tell me why am i such a romantic, born and raised into a family of the kind? can someone tell me why half of my life is spent apart from them? can someone tell me why is it so hard to divert my worldly desire to love onto the One who creates me? ..... anyone?

the man i can only imagine falling in love again and again for the rest of my life is now 'taken'.
the later boy that helped me believe that the ancient magical world of love may still exist today, took advantage of it and flew.
the continuous, previous boy of the later boy, only dares to give me the loving glare since he is too 'young'
the rest of them boys are to closely knitted among themselves, that taking the big sister role is the safest toll..
the old gang seems to be settling down in their own love nest.

am not alone. just, tonight i feel an absurd loneliness.

stole this pic from an old friend's collection. *sigh.


back in those days, life was not that different.. is better now with maturity.
yet, i may not have change too much anyhow.
am still the primal naive one to believe in the goodness of all mankind
-and i just don't wanna be alone tonite.


really.