my ideals has, once again,
come with "consequences" blow.
these tings must come at the best time, of course:
al together.

suddenly
am the ladies hater
men player
and power hunger (even to my closest friend)
simple terms: public enemy.

not that im bothered to say
that i am not any of those
for at some point those thoughts
may linger in my subconscious,
where i later chose in my conscious
to NOT be any of those..

i just happen to bump
into faces and time
that caught me off guard
of my subconscious level.

so be it.

im sure some sanity still lives here.
the juggling instinct between issues,
and rational on what, how and why i do
what i did.
sadly, i understand if im walking on thin rope
in having people to believe and understands me.

so be it.

how much can i do at this moment
to lessen the damage?
what, of perception?
when there's always two sides of every coin..
and have i not chosen a sane side all these while?
or wud that just be an ideal that i have imposed on others around me?

i dunno.
so much for life.
im in the junction to choose
if am letting myself to be whirled into such downward spiral
while i need, to go upwards. really.

lemme be.




for dearest friend Pol,
regarding our recent convo:

yes, it is nice if someone understands you
it is, not nice if people misunderstands you
but.. who am i to demand such luxury at all times?

a girl gotta look after herself in a big big city.
and yes i have, made lousy decisions along the way in taking my random chances
but really, when a girl has to meet her point of regret (in order to learn from it)
how many of us are decent enough to stick around and help?


thank you.


15.28:
and when i thought ive done so badly in fashion,
a shocking deadline email seems to bring solitude and sanity to my life.

for that,
i thank you Lord.